the darkest secret.

I have always tell people around me to always be honest and sincere. It is always good to tell people how you really feel. But, you see. something are easier said than done. maybe someone should have slapped my face. 

yes. I am so bad at expressing things. I am just not an expressive person. Someone told me that I am heartless (few times, maybe) . well, i am pretty sure i cry, i have a crush on someone, i am angry at times. But, most of the time, I am just not expressive. I keep things. unless, it is so unbearable then only, I lash it out. which is very rare. 

Having to tell someone how you really feel is really scary. It is like you have opened yourself like a pandora box not knowing what to expect. they might disagree with you, they might comfort you, they might accept you or i dont know.  i just feel that it is like revealing yourself naked with no more things for you to show. and what if they leave you? the thing about feeling is always about trust. you trust them. but what if they betray you? like they tell you they will be there all the way and in a second, they are gone. and you just become .... clueless? lost?

sometimes, it is just feel a whole lot more comfortable to sit alone in a cafe drowned in your own thoughts. but sometimes, it does feel good to have that someone that you are comfortable with. to talk about anything. or not to talk about anything at all with no awkward feelings at all. someday we'll know. someday I will find that soulmate, kot. haha. 

Now, i miss my girls. special shoutout to them. you know who you are. 

my feelings and i are always in a complicated relationship. but never mind then. 

I have decided to revert all my previous posts to draft because it is so embarrassing to read it back again (same goes to my twitter and fb posts, what the hell did i post back then?) . but still, it is too memorable for me to delete. so lets just keep it there. stored and safe. 

till then. it is september. and i always love september.