the fault in our stars

'I am in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you' - Augustus Waters, The Fault in Our Stars

I cried watching the movie. I have all these mixed feelings while I was watching the movie. The thoughts of losing someone and being left all alone. I sound pathetic now, aren't I? haha. It reminds me of my mom when she was in ICU years back and the dr told us that her chance of surviving was only 10%, I remembered that I collapsed and was brought to clinics. At one point, I do not know which one is harder, being left or you are the one leaving. Someone told me, at least if you are being left, you don't feel the guilt of having to leave someone. and yes, I just don't know. 

On another note, Augustus Waters is so flattering, that makes him look so classy and so attractive. His pick up lines are no jokes, either. So, be my Augustus Waters, please ? :)

Have a good day. 

september.

the heart heals. but only time will tell. to get you to move on from something, it really takes a whole lot of courage. because human is fickle. they keep going back and forth especially when it comes to heart matters. 

It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn't matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

We never know what might happened next, yet we still go forward. I have been following a straight road, and now it bends, and I believe that it is time for a detour. It is time to venture into something new. To see what is at the end of the other side of the road. 

September. Always. I am feeling sentimental. 

"Dear Allah,the turner of the hearts, make my heart firm upon your religion. "

the darkest secret.

I have always tell people around me to always be honest and sincere. It is always good to tell people how you really feel. But, you see. something are easier said than done. maybe someone should have slapped my face. 

yes. I am so bad at expressing things. I am just not an expressive person. Someone told me that I am heartless (few times, maybe) . well, i am pretty sure i cry, i have a crush on someone, i am angry at times. But, most of the time, I am just not expressive. I keep things. unless, it is so unbearable then only, I lash it out. which is very rare. 

Having to tell someone how you really feel is really scary. It is like you have opened yourself like a pandora box not knowing what to expect. they might disagree with you, they might comfort you, they might accept you or i dont know.  i just feel that it is like revealing yourself naked with no more things for you to show. and what if they leave you? the thing about feeling is always about trust. you trust them. but what if they betray you? like they tell you they will be there all the way and in a second, they are gone. and you just become .... clueless? lost?

sometimes, it is just feel a whole lot more comfortable to sit alone in a cafe drowned in your own thoughts. but sometimes, it does feel good to have that someone that you are comfortable with. to talk about anything. or not to talk about anything at all with no awkward feelings at all. someday we'll know. someday I will find that soulmate, kot. haha. 

Now, i miss my girls. special shoutout to them. you know who you are. 

my feelings and i are always in a complicated relationship. but never mind then. 

I have decided to revert all my previous posts to draft because it is so embarrassing to read it back again (same goes to my twitter and fb posts, what the hell did i post back then?) . but still, it is too memorable for me to delete. so lets just keep it there. stored and safe. 

till then. it is september. and i always love september.